April 19, 2014| Dating

New romantic interests are always exciting and a little nerve racking. As women, we start to build fantasies in our minds and start looking for magical signs that are proof positive we're "meant to be"- stop doing that.

I don't mean to be harsh, Lovies, let's be honest. Building fantasies in our minds do not help us at all, it clouds our sight and judgment and all we're left with is hindsight. Let's knock out the hindsight and be aware from the start. To do this we must be real with ourselves, ask "What am I afraid of? Loneliness? Rejection?" When we honestly answer those questions we can get to the root and begin to lay the foundation of standards we each are to have.

Laying the Foundation for Healthy Standards:

1. Go beyond routine questions. Ask more than Where are you from? What was your childhood like? What do you like to do for fun? These questions get you as much info as a Facebook or Twitter profile. My rule: "If I can Google it and find all the answers to my questions, I don't know enough." Fellas, this goes for you too, ask her the serious questions! If your beliefs are important to you, these should be your leading questions in the initial stages. Rest assured, if your questions about a supposed common belief between the both of you pushes them away-- you DO NOT hold the topic at hand to the same level of importance.

2. Establish limitations. This is not a means to be "bossy". Establish limitations on the way you are approached and expect to be treated. For example, if you've just met each other and you feel that receiving a text message at 12 AM reading "hey, what are you doing?" is inappropriate and makes you feel cheap, make it known. There are ways to do this without coming across as cold, rude or bossy. You can simply say over the phone, not through text, casually during conversation (find a way to lead the convo there) "I go to bed at _______." or "I turn my phone off at a certain time, I don't do the midnight texting or phone calls. *insert laugh*" You're sure to get a response of disbelief and there's your shot at explaining why. Set the stage for respect without being rude or off-putting.

3. Take it slow. What's the rush? Ignore the loud voices of others, these people will not be in your relationship. You are responsible for guarding your heart and making wise decisions toward your future. A slower pace helps you to learn about each other, work through problems and it makes the decision easier about whether or not marriage or separation is the option for you.

 

These are a few steps in setting the right foundations. Need more advice? Email me.